Waynesburg's most trusted name in fake news. We chase the hard hitting stories that lack a critical amount credibility. Because actual news with facts is boring.
Local Woman Opens Secret Turkey Sanctuary
By James Louis
(Editor's note: To protect the sensitive nature of this secret project we used fictitious names and locations)
Many years ago Shannon Cosgrove-Renner loved to eat turkey. Then one day she saw a real live turkey while walking on the Greene River Trail and all that changed. "The turkey looked at me as if to say, you’re the one to save us Shannon". She added; "Not sure how that turkey knew my real name but it was a life altering moment".
Shannon spent the next 16 years smuggling wild turkeys out of local Greene County woods and into her secret turkey hideaway directly underneath Hair Studio 88 located at 433 Route 88 South, Carmichaels, PA. The door is around back. Knock or peck three times to get in.
Shannon starts the process of converting these turkeys into contributing members of society almost immediately. She gives them each a new identity and teaches them new skills like hair styling, dog walking, bartending & car mechanics. Her goal is the make them so successful at their new careers that nobody notices how delicious they might be. There is also extensive training to reinforce her number one rule, never ever admit you are a turkey. Never.
They have not all had happy endings though. Shannon remembers one of her favorite feathered students, Clyde. What he lacked in smarts he made up for in entrepreneurial spirit. When released back into the world he opened a short lived dance studio called "Clyde's Jive Turkey Dance Studio". His cover was quickly blown and ended up being somebody's dinner shortly after.
But then there was that first turkey Shannon rescued 16 years ago. A true success story. She calls this turkey Christopher and he was by far her proudest beaked pupil. Most handsome too she added. She speaks of him fondly. Kinda creepy like actually. Shannon will not tell us exactly what happened to Christopher but claims he got married and had a couple kids.
So before you settle in with the family on Thanksgiving day this year think of that turkey you’re about to eat and what it could have been if Shannon got to it first.